Talk about COURAGE...

Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose. ~ Tom Krause


Ili, Nylie and Dyna are the reasons, the drives, that give me the courage to explore all things impossible.

I’ve lost too many; my feelings - hurt and battered by people I hardly knew, only to discover myself even beyond my imagination.

There were things I intended to do but procrastinate, not because I wanted to but I have to. Never have the courage to admit that for many years, some things I did just to please my love ones - never for myself, And I just did. The girls are my issue. I regretted not training them the way I should. For example, simple task like doing their own bed when they wake-up in the morning, washing the dishes, doing the laundry from washing, to folding or hanging their own clothes. I should have long time ago after Saro left, stopped having helper.

Till today, though I am contemplating, I am still very much, reluctant to have a helper. I have my reasons.

The luxury of going to a tidied, cleaned and without clothes spilled from the laundry bins home, is over. My only escapade - my once a month date, with dear Uyop – my confidant..… the last months, we travelled to somewhere…….miles away from home, just to be together; only the two of us. Ever afraid of losing someone? Yes I do. I use to cry a lot, afraid of losing my mum. She has been, and will always be, my confidante. We used to talk about lots of things. We still do. Now. Today, I have the courage to admit my life is so blessed - But I took things for granted. And I took my mum for granted. Even Uyop.

How courages can I be? A little.... I am overwhelmed with fear too. Fear of losing my little girls. They’ve grown up so much, so much so, that I’ve almost forgotten that they too would fall in love, go to college, get a degree, get married and out of our home…..but I’ve never really been their confidante. Here is where my mum and I, are world apart. I have tried my very best to talk and listen, but Ili and Nylie only confide to each other but not to me. Probably they are like twins; only different they are born in different year.

Anyways..here's another courages things to do. Sinful. I went to Jurong Point just now to get these lovely cream puffs for Uyop and the girls. I got myself almond sticks; it’s really yummy. I will have to google for the recipes……ANNDDD, I ate the whole lot of almond sticks. Period!

3 things that made me smile today :
1. Almond sticks
2. Cream puffs
3. My trip to Jurong Point………